When a family illness shook Blair Seidler Hammond’s freshman year and made her revaluate what was really important in this brief life, she had a hard time finding meaning beyond relationships and the daily joys of painting and sailing. Realizing her days might benefit from a more structured purpose, she concentrated on science and was drawn back to the classroom but, afraid of blood, never considered a life in medicine. Find out how leaning into joy and relationships can actually be the same thing as finding meaning.
Guest Blair Seidler Hammond navigated her freshman year of college knowing that her mother was sick with cancer. Her mother died at the end of that year and when Blair returned after the summer break, she was still trying to process and understand what the purpose of life was. Feeling the answer was to live into every moment, she prioritized daily joys such as painting and sailing. Realizing her fatalism might be a little outsized, she started reevaluating what a well-lived life was, and was determined to final a vocation that felt full of purpose. The problem was, even though everyone was telling her she should be a doctor, she couldn’t stand the sight of blood. Eventually, she let her love of science manifest it in teaching and research but finally felt the pull back to the classroom and entered med school. When she found pediatrics, she realized she could live out the purpose-driven life imagined after all.
In this episode, find out from Blair how leaning into joy and relationships can actually be the same thing as finding meaning…on Roads Taken with Leslie Jennings Rowley.
About This Episode’s Guest
Blair Seidler Hammond is a board certified pediatrician at the Mount Sinai Doctors Faculty Practice where she founded the General Pediatrics Faculty Practice. She is also an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Mount Sinai, where she has received their Excellence in Teaching Award. Along with classmate Aliza Pressman, Blair is Co-Founding Director of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, where she also serves as Director of Medical Education, helping to transform the way pediatric healthcare is delivered by maximizing opportunities to promote strong parent-child relationships and early childhood development within everyday healthcare interactions. She applies her work at home, too—living and parenting as she does with her husband and classmate Scott Hammond and their three children—in Westchester, New York.
For another story featuring the Mount Sinai Parenting Center that Blair discussed founding, listen to ourepisode with Aliza Pressman, the program’s co-founder.
Find more episodes at https://roadstakenshow.com
Executive Producer/Host: Leslie Jennings Rowley
Music: Brian Burrows
Email the show at RoadsTakenShow@gmail.com
Blair Seidler Hammond: If life is short, how do you do something that means something? And I remember thinking, I wish I only cared about making money because I feel like there are jobs you could just go and do. But I remember reading Life's Little Instruction Book and it was like, don't learn the tricks of the trade; learn the trade. And I was like, how do I choose a trade that would make me a better person?
Leslie Jennings Rowley: When a family illness shook Blair Seidler Hammond’s freshman year and made her revaluate what was really important in this brief life, she had a hard time finding meaning beyond relationships and the daily joys of painting and sailing. Realizing her days might benefit from a more structured purpose, she concentrated on science and was drawn back to the classroom but, afraid of blood, never considered a life in medicine. Find out how leaning into joy and relationships can actually be the same thing as finding meaning on today's Roads Taken, with me, Leslie Jennings Rowley.
Today I'm here with Blair Seidler Hammond, and we are going to talk about times that keep you in one place and times that put you in another and where that ultimately takes us. So Blair, thank you so much for being here with us.
BH: I'm happy to be here. Thanks.
LJR: So I start these conversations with two questions, typically, and they are these: when we were in college, who were you? And when we were getting ready to leave, who did you think you would become?
BH: That's so interesting. When I started college actually, my mom was sick with cancer and she died at the end of my freshman year. And Dartmouth was so supportive and amazing, and then I sailed a lot. I had this period of time when I was at college, I remember after my mom died, being like, why is everyone stressing out so much? Like you're all chasing the wrong things. And I was a studio art major and I sailed a lot, like literally every weekend. And I was like, people, aren't appreciating the process. Like it's such a short life, like. What's going on? And you know, you have that, you almost see the end when you're still sort of at the beginning.
And I love sailing. And I was like, you just have to each day find the joy. Relationships are what matter. You know, you go to a funeral, you talk at a funeral. I remember I came up the day after my mom's funeral drove up, took all of my exams, packed my dorm, and came home for the summer. And then I went back up that fall and I was like, what is the meaning of all this?
And so I painted a lot and I sailed a lot, but I always loved science. And all of a sudden going into my senior year, I was like, huh, probably not gonna actually die as soon as I keep thinking I might. You know, you come around and, and I've been like, I really do like science and I've always just randomly taken lots of science classes and maybe actually I'll be a biology major.
LJR: Your senior year?
BH: Yep. A studio art minor my senior year. You know what's funny? I was so worried. I tried really hard in school in part cuz I try really hard, but also in part when my mom was sick she'd be like, like, what can I do for you? And she'd be like, just study. Just do well. And I was like, I will do that like it's my job if that's what you want me to do. I did have this one physiology class with Dr. Belez and my roommates would get annoyed at me because I would be like, you won't believe what I'm learning about physiology. And they're like, why do you keep talking? About your textbook, like no one's actually interested. And I was like, I don't understand why people aren't interested in this. And people are like, you should go to med school. So many people would say to me, you should go to med school. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All the people in med school, there's this competitiveness, there's this focus on like just the end and not the process. And I kept like thinking at any moment I was gonna die. So I was like, that doesn't seem right. That seems such, like, such a long journey.
LJR: So Blair, when you were saying all that process stuff, it wasn't like, You know, seize the day because this is, you know, our one shot at all of this and we wanna, you wanna live to the fullest. It was a fatalism. It was like, we have only this short amount of time.
BH: Yes.
LJR: And it's all pointless.
BH: Yeah. Well it was, it was a little bit of both. It was a like, it's such a short life. Yeah. Such a short life. Like, I wanna do things that I enjoy and at the time, I mean, I. You know, you're grieving. And I'm like, how do I stay mentally well?
LJR: Yeah. And you're 19
BH: And, yeah. Yeah. And so, and, and doing those things that brought me joy. And I was, I was good at identifying, like, painting brings me joy. Sailing brings me joy. Bizarrely, studying also brings me joy and a lame person who could have gone to school forever, like going to school brought me joy. And actually I really did have a little bit of a panic upon graduation, and I felt like so many of my friends were going off to consulting jobs and so many to finance jobs, and I was like, I don't know. That doesn't resonate with me. I always feel like there was a goodness of fit of school. And I was like, where, how am I gonna find that same goodness of fit? And if life is short, how do you do something that means something, you know? And I remember thinking, I wish I only cared about making money because I feel like there are jobs you could just go and do. But I remember reading Life’s Little Instruction Book. And it was like, don't learn the tricks of the trade; learn the trade. And I was like, how do I learn a trade and how do I choose a trade that to do it? It would make me a better person. And I still, our graduation speaker, I don't know if you remember, David Halberstam said: The most important decision you make, besides the partner you choose, is the career you choose and if they're paying you a lot of money to do it when you're like 22 years old, it's probably cuz you wouldn't do it if they didn't pay you that. And he is like, so think about something that really like fills your soul. And I remember just being like, oh my God, how am I gonna find that? And I really had no idea. I mean, random people were like, you should go to med school cuz you are annoyingly talking about physiology. And my ninth grade bio teacher told me you should go to med school. But I was actually afraid of blood. So that seemed like a really large hurdle to overcome. And I spent like the summer after I graduated, I actually took care of a child who had an intrauterine brain injury and he was like 15 years old with a pretty significant seizure disorders and stuff. But I really liked working with, you know, an adolescent who was more like a child and caring for him, and there were some medical complex…I was like, oh, I like caring for people. I like, I like this. And I was like, Hmm. And I had one class left to do. I had done all of a pre-med major unintentionally. And my now husband, at the time boyfriend was going to be the squash coach up at Dartmouth and I talked to the sailing coach cuz I sailed a lot at Dartmouth and I was like, Hey, do you need an assistant sailing coach? And I actually went back up and I was the assistant sailing coach and I took a post bac class in organic chemistry and I worked in a research lab and I did that for a year. And I was like, this is so amazing and I love it so much. I still am afraid of blood and do I really need to do this? And people were like, well, med school's a big commitment. And I was like, well, maybe I should just teach science. Maybe I'll go into science. And I went back and I actually taught biology and chemistry for two years. And I love, I loved it. I loved teaching, I love adolescence. And it was, it was so fun. And the drama and the ridiculousness when people be like, Hey, Miss Seidler, can I wear my sunglasses instead of my lab goggles? And people be like, you can't actually make me lab partners with him, cuz he asked me to the. I said, no, it's gonna be super awkward, and then you're gonna have to sit through me being awkward. And I was like, that's so funny. I'm good at that. I can sit through that. But it was really fun. But I sort of, again, like that nerdiness, I kind of wanted to learn more and I wanted a graduate degree and it was, I hate to say it, but a little bit of a whim and I was missing Dartmouth and I was like, what's a job I could do and live up at Dartmouth? And that's actually part of what…maybe a doctor.
LJR: The job you could do.
BH: I mean, it's so ridiculous. And then I also thought more and more I was like just my mom being sick. I was like, you know, the people who were just took the time to sit with her and like, and not just see it as an illness, but be. I think I had sort of thought of medicine as almost, I don't know, I hadn't focused as much as on the bedside manner cause I hadn't been sick growing up. And I was like that sounds interesting. I would like to sit and get to know people and learn their story. And I always thought, I love giving advice to people. I'll give unsolicited advice anytime you want, basically. But it'd be nice to actually have knowledge and give advice that could actually be helpful and you could hear things and know things. So I thought, oh, I'll go back to med school. And I did. And I actually went back up to Dartmouth for med school and it was so fun. Everything about…I don't know why. I think Dartmouth was a really nice med school and I would go cross country skiing after exams and learn all this stuff and get to be like, you got to do community service. And it really, really was amazing. I mean, it was like an embarrassing story interviewing for med schools. They're like, so you've done nothing in medicine? You're interested, you think, based on nothing and you're afraid of blood, so how's this gonna play out? And I was like, I dunno, it's just an idea I have. I have this weird idea cuz someone told me, my roommate said maybe I should do it so well.
LJR: And so Blair, within that process, you're big on process. Did you find that it was kind of the training of the, the book part and the, wow, let me tell you about this thing about anatomy and the learning or the part that was gonna get you closer to the bedside manner and the practice that fed you more? Or was it the combination and that you really did find something that like put it all together?
BH: I think it was actually the combination and the truth is the first two years of med school, when you're doing a lot of just the book learning and studying, I loved that part. That was not at all painful and most people find it painful. And I did, you know, surgery and I was like, this is definitely not for me people and I'm gonna pass out here if I stand any longer. It was in pediatrics where when I was in there with all the patients where you can be silly, where you can blow up the gloves into balloons and you can bring the silliness and try and have that real connection with the patients. I loved getting to know patients on other services, but I felt like you, I spent more time…I was like, I just like being around children. And that's when I was like, oh, this is amazing. And getting to know the whole family. And so many people are like, oh my gosh, peds is amazing cuz the children are so great except the parents are so irritating that you will not wanna do it cuz parents are gonna drive you crazy. But I actu—I love that part of it. I loved the parents caring and it sort of, I can't explain it. It almost reminded me of my mom caring for me, and there was just a closeness that I was like, oh, I love this. I love how much parents care about their children doing well. That’s wonderful. So that just it all of a sudden when I did my peds rotation, I was like Done. I finally found that, like I always talk about finding your resonating frequency, like where does it just like naturally flow? Yeah. And that sort of seemed it.
LJR: Yeah. And we will definitely get back to the parenting part probably in two ways, But…So you figured it out during that rotation. Then you go through the whole matching and all that and figuring out that's,
BH: Yep Yep. Everyone knows that story.
LJR Right. But you kept, unlike many of us, kept your college boyfriend who is now good husband. So how did that work? How did that work for him in Hanover? What was his life doing at the same time?
BH: Hilarious. Poor guy. Well, I will say he's a very patient human. Like everyone will be like, the joke is, he's like the Dai Lama on Valium. He's a laid back human being. And so he was in law school was while I was in med school. And so we would see each other like we never broke up through all of that. And then he had a job in New York and my family was in the New York area, so I was like, oh, well I'll come to New York for residency. And in our mind we're like, we'll go back to Hanover. Like that's where we, one day, will want to be probably cuz I just, I loved it so much and that's part of how I chose my residency at Mount Sinai. We got married right two weeks before I graduated from med school and then moved in and I was like, oh my gosh, being married is so fun. And he's like, maybe it's just that you're also like getting paid for work instead of just taking tests. And maybe it's that you're, we're not doing long distance. I was like, it just seems so fun. And then of course, it's a pediatric residency and I like children and I didn't have my own kids, so working hard sounded great and fun and in New York I said, it's like you see the whole world, you know, all, all different patients. So residency was really fun. And I don't know, I feel bad for him. I feel like his life wasn't, he was a lawyer. That's not as, I hate to say it for, for some people maybe it is, but it didn't seem as fun as being a pediatrician.
LJR: Well, I'm sure you kept his life fun. That thinking you were gonna go back to bucolic rural New Hampshire. This was just like a, you know, city time.
BH: A stint
LJR: Yeah. But city time turned into the rest of the time, right?
BH: I know. That part is weird. It's funny because I finished my residency, I did a made up medical education fellowship, so I knew I'd like to teach. And it's funny, when I was interviewing, I said, one day maybe I'll teach and be a doctor and do research. And the person's like, you're not gonna be doing all of that one day. It's not possible. And now I'm like, oh, you were wrong. It is possible. But so I got to stay on teaching the pediatric course, it's called the clerkship and the sub internship at Mount Sinai while I was doing this medical education fellowship. And interestingly, I got offered a job actually up in Hanover. It was my dream job. I had a one and a half year old. I was pregnant with my second, and I literally, I'm like, I'm gonna go back to Hannover. I like interviewed. I was like, oh my gosh, I love all these people. I love Hitchcock. I love it here so much. We had so much fun here in college and my sister coming. She's like, just so you know, all those mountains you and Scott hiked, you can't hike with a two year old and a newborn and just, you know, putting on snowsuits and ski boots with young children is really annoying. And like, she just was saying all this stuff and then Scott's like, here's the problem.And he kept looking. He's like, there just aren't a lot of law jobs up there. And I was like, do you wanna coach the squash team again? Like, what do we do here? It was sort of like a, a little bit of a crisis for me because I did wanna go back up there, but then my dad has Alzheimer's, and I was like, gosh, I feel like I need to be closer by. And the diversity of the patients in New York City and the need of so many, it's very rewarding. You know what I mean? There was something kind of special and unique and I felt like I had kind of built this made up fellowship, and then I built a made up thing called the teaching rotation. I was like, and then they let me build my own practice, like a faculty practice, like all these…it's like every time I have an idea, they say yes. So, But it was, it was one of the hardest decisions to make in my career, possibly the hardest was to say no to that job that sounded so awesome.
LJR: Yeah. But it is great to know that you were choosing between two things that either way was gonna be great for you. And so this has turned out just a different way. And one of the things that you, one of these brilliant ideas that they've said yes to involves another one of our classmates who talked about co-founding something with you. [BH: Yeah.] Mount Sinai. And that brings us back to the recognition that a sick child isn't just a sick child. Or an unwell child, or even a well child isn't those things without a parental system around them. So talk to us about your next brilliant idea.
BH: The other ones weren't brilliant ideas. Those were like stumbling into things, but this was more actually the idea of almost responding to a need. So I was doing general pediatrics and I was teaching medical students and residents about pediatrics, but as I was doing general pediatrics, I was trained on, you know, diagnosing meningitis and treating ear infections. And I knew a lot about the medicine, but more and more what I was seeing were developmental delays, anxiety disorders, mental health disorders, kids who were biting, hitting, not, not sleeping well, and, and parents kept asking me these questions and I wanted to be like, I went to med school. This was not taught in my med school.
And so my fellow classmate, Aliza Pressman, was a developmental psychologist in New York. And so I would often call her with these type of questions and be like, which should I recommend, Aliza, to the family? What resources, et cetera. And we would often talk, and she would sometimes ask me some medical questions, too. And she was in disbelief that doctors would be trained on this. And the more and more we talked about we're like, it is such a gap in pediatric care. Developmental psychology and understanding developmental psychology is so the essence of long term wellness. And then there's all this data coming out about how parenting, caregiving environment so influences the expression of genes, the development of parts of the brain, and, and my favorite line is there's over a million nerve connections made every second in the brain in the first three years of life, and 90% of brain growth is by age five, and it is literally the back and forth interactions of caregivers that help that brain and child flourish and long-term health, not just emotional and social, but actually physical and you know, academic and all those other wonderful important things.
And so, We sort of got together this idea of like, how can we train physicians to get this baseline knowledge and how do we think about weaving in sharing the science of early development and positive caregiving behaviors into the healthcare space. And so to do that, we joined a fabulous team. And you know, we were lucky enough to have people, Harry Quinn and Muriel Benjamin and these amazing people who joined us and were like, listen, we are gonna really fundraise and we are gonna try and figure out a way through full philanthropy that we can create scalable resources to help train all residents, all providers and to share all sorts of resources with families that really talk about, it's really this, what we call early relationships and early relational health and the back and forth interactions that have been shown to be associated with these long term health outcomes. And it's been such a fun, creative, amazing experience to do this, and I feel so lucky to have sort of stumbled into this with great people.
And I don't know, a fellow classmate, Carrie Freeman Braddock was like, I love this idea. We're gonna help you get funding for this and helped fund it. And then there are people like Matt Miller, who's also a classmate, who ended up being on our board and we got the support to create these things that are now becoming sort of the standard of training residents. And now we're going out and trying to train physicians in practice, and we just have a new video series that just launched this summer called The Sparks Video Series that goes, it pairs with each of the well child visits about promoting early child development and positive caregiving behaviors. And again, the idea is that I think anyone who's been a parent knows just how hard it is to be a parent. And so we wanted it a resource for everyone and we wanted it to be like a strengths based sort of model of how do we all have a growth mindset about how we interact with our children and other children, and how can we as providers bring that joy and showing delight in children and in families. And you know, I always say my favorite, my favorite line is, Parents in the newborn nursery about over a million nerve connections being made every second. And I always say, I'm like, you are your baby's favorite toy. It's your voice. It is your touch. It is your smell. It is your face that really literally builds their brain. And so that's sort of where I am now is doing that and getting to be a pediatrician, which really, it's so funny, I never imagined that I would find a job I like so much.
LJR: Yeah. Well, and on top of that, you have the job of mother which I'm sure both feeds into all the work that you do and benefits from the work.
BH: Oh, I always say I started the parenting center because my first was the most colicky. I always wanted children. I love children. Interestingly, she was born on what would've been my mom's 65th birthday, which was is crazy. She was the most colicky baby. And I remember thinking, I cannot believe that so many people have children. And like I literally thought, I was like, I understand why people shake their children. I know that sounds horrible to confess, but it's like it's really hard and your sleep-deprived. I was like, this is not easy folks. This is not for the faint of heart and yet we all seem to be doing it, so how can we better help people do it. Yeah. And, and, and recognize like, and, and label and validate just how hard it is.
LJR: And give ourselves a little grace [BH: Correct!] that you're not born to know how to do this really. I mean, parts of us I guess are, but there's no…I'm glad you're building a playbook.
BH: Yeah, when you’re sleep-deprived and you're frustrated, all bets are off. And, when other people are like, you better control your child or your child…I can't believe they behave like that. Like, how does that feel and Yeah. How do we all go through it together?
LJR: So, Blair, you just said you couldn't have imagined that you would find something that you love this much. Let's take you back. So you're, let's say 19, 20, somewhere in the middle, the muddy middle, and a little angel comes down and says, Hey, take a load of this. Look where you are in 25 years, what would that Blair had said?
BH: I'd say, I can't believe I'm literally giving children shots. Like I was so needle phobic. I was, so, I'd be like, what am I, what, what am I doing? I don't even like standing for long periods of time. I think I would be like, It hadn't occurred to me. I mean, some people knew they were gonna be doctors since they were four. I was not that person. [LJR: Yeah.] Is what I'll say. I'll be like, oh wow. Well I did like science, so I guess it makes sense and I like humans. Yeah. That also makes sense.
LJR: But to know that it feels so right, right now. I think a lesson to younger people to say, who knows? You might not know it yet. You might not have put all the puzzle pieces together, right?
BH: I did not know it. And I remember graduating and feeling like everyone knows what they're doing but me. And I remember even when I was teaching, being like, oh my God. And then when you start med school, I was like, is this ever gonna end? Like I love it, but everyone else is making money and I am not. And this feels a little bit scary and likeit's gonna take a long time to get there. Yeah. But then you do.
LJR: Well, it hasn't been that long. Right, exactly.
BH: Then you get there.
LJR: Yeah. Well, Blair, thank you so much for sharing this because I think it's just full of good surprises and some real wisdom, and clearly you have found a place for yourself or many places, multifaceted place for yourself that, that is working. So…
BH: And I'll just say this, it's really nice to have great friends from D. Because you can do great things with them. So keep in touch with your friends.
LJR: That was Blair Seidler Hammond, a board certified pediatrician at the Mount Sinai Doctors Faculty Practice where she founded the General Pediatrics Faculty Practice. She is also an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Mount Sinai, where she has received their Excellence in Teaching Award. Along with classmate Aliza Pressman, Blair is Co-Founding Director of Mount Sinai Parenting Center, where she also serves as Director of Medical Education, helping to transform the way pediatric healthcare is delivered by maximizing opportunities to promote strong parent-child relationships and early childhood development within everyday healthcare interactions. She applies her work at home, too—living and parenting as she does with her husband and classmate Scott Hammond and their three children—in Westchester, New York. // We like to think we're promoting stronger relationships among our featured guests and our listeners through our show. Feel free to drop us a line at RoadsTakenShow@Gmail.com or through the Contact us page at RoadsTakenShow.com to let us know how you've been impacted by the show or what your favorite moments have been so far. As always, thanks for listening and be sure to join me, Leslie Jennings Rowley, for future episodes of Roads Taken.