Whether coming to college in New Hampshire and thinking it would be just like New York or going to law school thinking it would be like an intimate salon where you talked about big ideas, Sharon Walker has gotten into some spaces in her life that didn’t quite live up to her expectations. Through it all, she’s figured out who she is, what she likes, and how she can make a better life. Find out how being uncomfortable and growing through it can be fuel for change.
Guest Sharon Walker left her home in Trinidad for college in New Hampshire, thinking it was somewhere close to New York City. She quickly realized the cosmopolitan life she’d anticipated wasn’t what she would be living. So that first year was rather miserable. It was only after deciding that summer that she’d fling herself into activities that she started feeling part of the community and took advantage of what college could offer her.
Upon graduation, she finally made it to New York, living with friends and working at a start-up. But when her visa ran out, she returned to her birth-country of Canada and started over, again knowing no one and not knowing what to expect. She took temp jobs and considered med school, but ultimately decided on law school even though, again, she had no idea what “lawyering” would look like.//In figuring out that the regimented nature of law wasn’t a good fit for her more creative leanings, she has taken on a project to help others who feel “unsuited” to law practice figure out how to transfer those skills to something more meaningful.
In this episode, find out from Sharon how being uncomfortable in a space and recognizing how you grow can help you make different decisions…on today’s Roads Taken with Leslie Jennings Rowley.
About This Episode's Guest
Sharon Walker is a Canadian by-way-of Trinidad writer, traveler and self-described escapee of private practice law on the quest to design her better life. When she is not taking on consulting projects that run the gamut from helping build a company’s strategic vision to providing legal counsel, she posts to her blog and lifestyle community, Unsuited, for lawyers and non-lawyers who have "come to the sudden and unwelcome realization that maybe we fundamentally misunderstood the assignment. Who feel UNSUIT-ED to and UNSUIT-ABLE for the place we now find ourselves.” Check it out at UnsuitedTheBlog.com.
Executive Producer/Host: Leslie Jennings Rowley
Music: Brian Burrows
Find more episodes at https://roadstakenshow.com
Email the show at RoadsTakenShow@gmail.com
Sharon Walker: I don't have any lawyers in my family. I don't have any close friends who were lawyers. I hadn't, I had no point of reference for lawyering other than I heard you could do anything with a law degree. And that to me was a big sell because I still didn't think I wanted to be a lawyer. But what I wanted was the options that I thought a law degree could give me.
Leslie Jennings Rowley: Whether coming to college in New Hampshire and thinking it would be just like New York or going to law school thinking it would be like an intimate salon where you talked about big ideas, Sharon Walker has gotten into some spaces in her life that didn’t quite live up to her expectations. Through it all, she’s figured out who she is, what she likes, and how she can make a better life. Find out how being uncomfortable and growing through it can be fuel for change on today’s Roads Taken with me, Leslie Jennings Rowley.
Today, I'm here with Sharon Walker and we are going to talk about boundaries and borders and stemming them and crossing them and seeing where life takes us. So, Sharon, thank you so much for being with us today.
SW: Thanks for having me, very excited.
LJR: All right. So I start this the same way with all of my guests and ask two questions and they are these: When we ran college, who were you? And when we were getting ready to leave, who did you think you would become?
SW: Wow. I feel like I can divide my college experience in two. So I came to Dartmouth directly from Trinidad. So I was an international student. And so I came from an island that is 10 degrees off the equator to Hanover, New Hampshire via New York. I'd never visited. And so basically I was for the first year at Dartmouth, I was an alien called alien.
LJR: A cold alien.
SW: Yeah. A very cold alien. I had never experienced snow. I'd never been in a small town that was so white. Not like I just, it was, it was so outside my realm of sort of conceptualization. For some reason, I thought it was near to New York and therefore it was like-ish maybe New York or something, but not small town Hanover. So, and I got shingles freshmen week. So I was actually like in the infirmary for the entire freshman week, so I didn't meet anybody other than my roommates. And so aside from the culture shock, there was also that. That sort of important piece that I missed. Like, I, I didn't know anybody, you know, I also came from an all girls Catholic school. I was really shy. I was tall and awkward. So like, there were so many like opposites from my life. I just, I floundered first year, like I really, really did. I have to shout to my wonderful roommates. So Vanessa Santaga…Like she shared my heater. So I want to apologize twenty-five years later because I control the heat and she basically sweat. She sweat. She was like, her windows would be open in the dead of winter because I was cold and she was so hot. So first year floundered, I cried a lot. I started looking at transferring to Stanford because I wanted something, a little warmer and then I was able to go home that first summer. And I think I was able to step back and sort of think, you know, all the reasons I decided to go to Dartmouth: It was this great school, it was a liberal arts college. And I decided the way to make it through was to just throw myself and get involved in as many things as possible.
So I came back and I was a residence advisor, and that took me out of myself. [LJR: Yeah.] Like I had to focus on other people and incoming freshmen re dealing with a lot of these same things I had. So, so that that's the sort of, there was a fork in the road. I decided to stay on the Dartmouth road and I got involved in gospel choir and volunteering.
And, you know, like any, I think person would have said, if you give it time, you will find your people. And I found my people and that that helped. And so. You know, I do see the going to Dartmouth changed the trajectory of my life. I truly believe that.
LJR: Yeah. Well how could it not?
SW: And then who was I when I left? Who did I think I was going to become, I, I had no idea. I had no idea. My dad really wanted me to become a doctor. And so I did my tour of duty through organic chemistry and it broke me. I like, I remember it's the grade I got and I cried. And I was like, you know what? I'm not probably going to do that. I didn't really want to do consulting. I literally had no idea. I was like, You know, they'd just told us how great we are and how many skills we have. So, you know, just, I know how to think. They taught us how to thing, just let me out in the world and I'll, I'll figure something out. So I think I was just, I was just up to explore always more non-traditional kind of work.
So I knew consulting banking wasn't going to be for me, but I never actually knew what. So it was just like, I'm gonna gonna wing it, which is like this story of my life.
LJR: Pre-med was not at what was the concentration that you had settled on in college?
SW: I did French because I loved it. I loved it. And so I didn't know what I would do with that, but I was like, am I going to be here, I'm going to do something. I love. I liked biology too. And I liked writing. So I did, I was a dabbler. I feel like I'm a professional dabbler.
LJR: I love it, which is what they teach you in a liberal arts place, but they don't really prepare you for taking that first step. So how did you find your way out of college?
SW: So I went to New York. I moved in with my besties. So Vanessa was my roommate. We did like a Friends situation. We lived in a brownstone in Brooklyn. She and I lived upstairs. My friends, Nick and Max lived downstairs. And so, and then when I do attempt for a while, and then I worked for an internet startup as a marketing manager, but because I wasn't American, my visa ran out. And so I either had to like get money and pay a lawyer. And when I consulted with a lawyer, they were like, well, you work for a startup. So, you know, the ins is probably going to think it's your friends trying to keep you in the country. So your chances of actually getting an extension or being sponsored through them is pretty low. And I didn't have a bunch of money and I had the option. 'cause even though I grew up in Trinidad, I was actually born in Canada and my mom and my brother are here. So I was like, okay, I'm just going to go to Toronto, check that out for a while. And so yeah,
LJR: A while has become a while.
SW: A while has become like over 15 years. So yeah. So that's, and then again came to Toronto. I'd never lived in Canada. I'd never lived in Toronto. So. You know, it was kind of heartbreaking. I left all my friends behind, you know, so it, it really, it was a starting over again.
LJR: Yeah. But you were gaining you weren't like in the middle of nowhere and you were gaining that you were looking, and getting that cosmopolitanism you thought that you were going to get the first time around.
SW: That's right. That's right. And so, you know what, I've come to realize it becomes harder and harder in some respects to make friends the older you get. You know, and so, because I hadn't gone to school to university here, I was sorta coming in after everybody else had their sort of friend groups, not established, but even they become, I think they become less fluid the older and older people get, you know, when they start to have families. And you know, they've been friends with people for 20 years. I was lucky though. I, um, I temped, so I got to get to know the city. And, you know, from every temp job, I think I met at least one really good friend. And then I also join a gym because it gives structures to my days. And I, you know, to this day I have gym friends who were like, how do you know that person? I met them in the gym, you know.
LJR: Yeah, it's to your earlier point, like you wait long enough and you find your people.
LJR: That's right. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. So I did not know what I wanted to become and to be honest, I'm still in that place where I've done a lot of things. I still haven't landed in a place where I fit.
LJR: Yeah. Yeah. Well, but maybe that's not the, I mean, it can't possibly be the path for everyone to find that, you know, be, be stuck somewhere or be, you know, so what have been the dabbling things that have caught your fancy or along the years?
SW: So I'd been a financial analyst for a bit. I have owned my own web design and consulting business. I have done event planning. What else I've done? I've done my own business. Like I think more, more consistently than anything. Cause every time I go back to quote unquote, a real job. I'm like, I don't really, I don't really like, you know, the potential structure or the bureaucracy or whatever, you know, I've worked at a board of trade. Most recently, you know, as we talk about sort of traditional versus non-traditional jobs, I'm actually trained as a lawyer. So I went back to law school and yeah, I'm a lawyer, but I don't practice.
LJR: Okay. So, so you're a non-practicing lawyer, which means at some point, maybe even as you were getting into it, you knew this wasn't going to be like the career. What drew you to go back to school in the first place?
SW: So I graduated from Dartmouth, stayed in New York for a bit, move to Toronto, temp, you know, get hired on full time. I do that sort of a bunch of times. And then. Ironically enough, I ended up working at a hospital as an executive assistant because I think to myself, well, you know, maybe I can revisit med school. So, you know, I wrote the MCATs and I'm like, yeah, I’m like no, no. Because by now I'm in my thirties. And I think to myself, do I really want to go back to school for another 10 years, right? The answers and presenting new also, because I don't feel a compelling passion to be a doctor. Maybe if I thought I really wanted it, it wouldn't be such. What felt to me like a slog. So it wasn't that, you know, I thought about an MBA. I thought about a master's in health administration. Those didn't sound particularly interesting. And my boss and I tell him this all the time, I'm like, I blame him for law school because he said to me, he's like, why didn't you go to law school? And law school had never, I don't have any lawyers in my family. I don't have any close friends who are lawyers. I had no point of reference for lawyering, other than I heard you could do anything with a law degree. And that to me was a big sell because I still didn't think I wanted to be a lawyer, but what I wanted was the options that I thought a law degree could give me also, it was only three years. So I'm like, I can do that, you know? Yeah. So I blindly went to law school. Thinking it would actually be like a liberal arts college. And that is the absolute,
LJR: Well in that it can lead to a variety of outcomes later.
SW: Yeah, no, but I thought it was like Dartmouth grownup, you know, so you'd have all these great classes and you'd talk about ideas and that is not law schools that is not law school. And by the time I sort of realized it wasn't going to be that. It was like, they had already committed money and I was like, I'm just going to do it and just going to do it. So.
LJR: And another way to meet people and build that network again. Cause you were in, in Canada at that point, right?
SW: That's right. Yeah. So I don't know if I really was like building network. I was just like, I'm here now. It's like, once again. So I did that sort of more pragmatic. It's a good school, you know, the degree from, so I went to the University of Toronto, which is a really highly regarded, you know, it is currency of a sort. If I'm going to slog it out, I may as well get the best, you know, kind of looking degree. And I did find some people who were also similarly, uh, gassed me for doing this. And so, yeah. Whatever I made it through. I summered. And then unlike the U S after we graduate, we have a sort of apprentice period, it's called articling. So there was another year. So I did that at a big sort of reputable firm. And he like, absolutely hated it. I was just like, if I have to do this more than this period of time, I, I cannot do it. So I actually opted out of the process of hire back kind of not knowing what next, but I knew that wasn't for sure.
LJR: Yeah. Well, that is a good thing to know that early.
SW: Yeah. So again, I was back to you know, well, what now? So what did I do? I did some consulting work I worked for, we have a provincial, advocacy body for hospitals. So they did some sort of policy work for them. I did go back after a little while to a boutique firm, just to make sure my angst wasn't really about the size of, you know, affirm. I was like, oh, maybe a small one will be better. It was in some respects. But my real, my real issue is with the sort of billable hour in the practice of law. I mean the culture that kind of grows out for nuts. So yeah, I worked, I walked away from that job. And I was like, all right. So and that began the sort of non-practicing. So I do project based kind of e-discovery work now. So legal tech. So I still kind of notionally use my law degree, but it's project based. So, you know, I work as many hours as I want, because there's a high degree of flexibility in this job.
LJR: On your own terms, setting your own culture, stepping away from other people's toxic cultures.
SW: That's right. And the pandemic has made it, I mean, we used to have to go into an office, but now technically that jobs should all, always have been a work from home situation. But you know, what I've come to realize is that the idea of work and work models are very deeply entrenched. [LJR: Yes.] You know, like they're very deeply entrenched. So maybe pandemic was a accelerator for at least this portion of legal tech to really just, you know, see unequivocally you could do this work from home, you know? So, so that's where I am now. That's what I do now. Again, I've been doing it for, I mean, there were reasons why I kept doing it for long as I have. And now it's time for a change. Again, and that's sort of exploration mode of, of what next.
LJR: Right. Well, and that seems to be, I think your M.O. from the beginning, cause you, you will jump into something, you know, not really realizing New Hampshire isn't New York City and like I'll just try it and then reassess, see what I need to shed from that experience, what I can reclaim and dive into and make better. And then move on. And I would say, I love that you said earlier that you had enjoyed writing because I can see all of these, like life experiences have to be fodder for something for you to write about at some point.
SW: Well, I actually, I used, again, the pandemic was, you know, a great time creator in some respects. So I started writing a. It's called unsuited it's for escapee, private practice lawyers.
LJR: I love it.
SW: And so it's all this stuff I wish somebody had told me prior to going to law school. I may have ended up there anyway, but I was, somebody had been. Like, unsparingly kind of honest about what the experience is, you know, and is not truly, you know, what it is not. what are kind of realistic expectations from that experience? I think from my informal pool, I would say 90% of the lawyers I know who have been private practice lawyers were unhappy or are unhappy. It's insane when I sort of step back and think about how. I'm happy people are in this program.
LJR: Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's great that you're doing your part to kind of shed some light on that and maybe save some folks from it or make people at least recognize, okay, I'm going out alone and I have to have some other pursuits outside the day job.
SW: They might get there. I mean, for me through it's cathartic to actually see those things out loud. You know, like I hate this, I hated it. I hate it. You know? And, and not, there's no repercussions around now, you know, I think when you're in it, you have to be a little more circumspect. So, so I do get it. You know, I have this kind of luxury on the other side. No, it's been good.
LJR: Well, it's a brilliant name. All right. So if you are to think back to…Often I have people think back to as we were leaving, but I want to go back even further that first summer after college getting to college and thinking, oh my, what have I done? Would that Sharon look at you now and be like, yeah, it was totally worth sticking in here?
SW: Yes.
LJR: Yeah. Yeah. Because as you said, it changed trajectories in many ways.
SW: I've said it to you, but I've said this so consistently over my life since, since that time. And so what happened is that Dartmouth basically expanded my life, you know, and obviously that Trinidad isn’t, you know, we, we traveled a lot. I had family who lived in the States and like, whatever, but living in the States, also in an environment that was unfamiliar and uncomfortable expanded me in a way that I don't know many other…I mean, like I said, it was like traveling to a foreign country and sort of living literally and figuratively living in this foreign country for four years. And so, you know, exposure to music, to points of view, to opportunities to travel, to ideas, to the not so great stuff around, you know, race and gender and body image. Like all of those things were not, they were not on my radar. And so you come to this place and, you know, fortunately I was able to sort of take it in and expand, challenge, you know, all that thing about personal growth, discomfort, like living all of that, that only made me better to sort of go on to sort of whatever the next phase would have been.
LJR: Yeah. It's so interesting. You said discomfort there at the end, because I had been thinking one of those things was. Not that it's comfortable to be uncomfortable, but you got more comfortable about being uncomfortable and thus, when you sensed it in later iterations of the life, you're like, oh, wait a minute. I know what it feels like to be uncomfortable. This is it. And there's an off ramp and I'm going to take it. And then, yeah.
SW: Yeah. You know, I, I will say at the end of Dartmouth, I was wholly comfortable. Like I, like I knew. Like that's how sort of familiar I'm…obviously there circumstances that would always be, it's not even uncomfortable. There's a different kind of discomfort that comes from sort of bigger societal issues versus, you know, I know how to navigate this place. I have skills now in talking to people I don't know, articulating ideas, you know. Before I came to Dartmouth, I did not have the experience of being the only person of color in a room that had never happened to me before. And so there is a certain level of initially of self-conscious. Like just awareness that like, wow, I like, I'm the only one here. You know, what that set me up for is going to law school and practicing in a law firm. I mean, there are lots of places where you still are. So those kinds of experiences, right? Again, they're expansive and, and growth in a, in a way that then has translated into a certain level of comfort in other situations. And that is, you know, that is Dartmouth. You know, that that is the wonderful legacy of having could have gone there.
LJR: Yeah. Well, it sounds like you are in for another new chapter and there will be uncomfortable moments, no doubt. But I am sure you will find the way to either leap out of it or make it a little bit more palatable or even something that brings you great joy. And I hope it's definitely the latter.
SW: Thank you.
LJR: That was Sharon Walker who is a Canadian by-way-of Trinidad writer, traveler and self-described "escapee of private practice law" on the quest to design her better life. When she is not taking on consulting projects that run the gamut from legal tech and providing freelance legal counsel to helping build a company’s strategic vision, she posts to her blog and lifestyle community, UNSUITED, for lawyers and non-lawyers who have “come to the sudden and unwelcome realization that maybe we fundamentally misunderstood the assignment. Who feel UNSUIT-ED to and UNSUIT-ABLE for the place we now find ourselves.” Check it out at UnsuitedTheBlog.com.
And don't forget to check us out at RoadsTakenShow.com where you can find any of the last 90-plus episodes you might have missed, scan the show notes and transcripts, and see some pretty amazing then and now photos of each guest. Please follow, subscribe, rate, and review so that our numbers go up and attract more people to tune in with me, Leslie Jennings Rowley, for future episodes of ROADS TAKEN.